Appease: (in arguments or war) to prevent further disagreement by giving to the other side something that they have demanded.
Pick Me Girl: a person who begs for the attention and approval of a specific group in everything they say and do.
Pick: to take some things and leave others; make a choice.
“I never and I mean NEVER want to be a pick me!” Keisha made this statement after posting a video on her social media platform of a young black woman getting down on one knee in front of friends and family and asking her boyfriend to marry her! Not only was Keisha disgusted by the gesture, but she also made it be known that being a “pick me” was just as disgusting!
“To a certain degree, there’s nothing wrong with being a “pick-me!” This was my response on that post, which had nothing to do with that silly video, but everything to do with the lack of humility and self-awareness that made it so easy for Keisha to be so defiant, and in my opinion, delusional!
Well, apparently, according to Keisha, I didn’t have any idea what a “pick me” was, although I went on to clarify that many women just think that all they have to do is just show up to the game with no practice, no teaching, no fitness, no nothing and yet expect to be the first picked! I stated that to me, being a “pick-me” meant putting oneself in the best position to be picked – or chosen! I went on to say that the “if he doesn’t take me just as I am, then he can just kick rocks”, or the spiritual version, “then he isn’t who God served up!” narrative is why we are the least married – the least picked! And another thing as I went on, pride has us walking around talking about, “I ain’t doing ALL THAT for a man!” Becky will though, and Becky does!
Keisha though could not hear what I was saying because she was too hung up on the term “pick-me”! She stated, “popular culture”, which apparently has great influence on how she lives her life, has deemed that word “not cute nor positive!” and so everything I said was heard as blah, blah, blah, blah, blah! Furthermore, Keisha went on to say, “I don’t know what it was back in the day but TODAY that term is to be avoided like the plaque!
“Back in the day”? Are you trying to say that I’m old, Keisha? Lol. Well, here I am, a 60-year-old woman having this discussion with a young millennial. (I’m doing that thing, by the way, that Kevin said needed to be done – talking to the younger women! I’m feeling his pain!) Anyways, I had never heard of this term until I started following Kevin Samuels! I hadn’t heard of many things, as I spent most of my adult life married and raising children. It wasn’t until recently that I started learning about what goes on in these dating streets, and Kevin’s content was and still is instrumental in educating me! It seemed, though, that when Kevin spoke of pick-me’s, it had somewhat of a positive connotation. Contextually, it was compared with women who refused to engage with a man in ANY way in order to gain his attention and at the very least hold a conversation with that man! Kevin often told women to just go out to a bar, by yourself! Get away from your single friends, make yourself pretty as possible and go get your man! This, though, is too much of a cross to bear, I guess! Lol.
So, I told Keisha, let’s certainly not miss the message because you’re hung up on some silly term! Really!?? If it makes y’all young women feel better, let’s just nix the term, because what I said was on point! How about we work on being a “wife-me”! Popular culture got black women all messed up today and believe me, a term like “pick me” and its pop culture connotation, is the least of our problems. Sis stated that a “pick me” is a female with no standards. “They are willing to do anything to appease a man and I mean anything!” Listen, some of you got so many standards, your standards got standards and they aren’t even ones you live up to! Keisha said her standards won’t allow her to sink so low as to be a “pick me”! The same Keisha that left a relationship 11 years ago for whatever reason, his fault or not, and haven’t been in one ever since? Okay!
Whose standards are black women living their lives by anyways? Who formulated these standards? It all seems quite subjective to me! From what I’ve heard, black women refuse to smile at a black man, won’t speak to them when they pass by, refuse to be friendly, cooperative and fit; God knows they won’t submit, refuse to go out on an ice-cream date, refuse to walk around as pretty as possible, won’t get rid of the bonnets, the raptor claws and the Snuffleupagus eyelashes; refuse to cater to a man’s ego, refuse to serve their men, willing to have their babies but don’t want the man and then turn to social media to talk about their baby daddies like dogs, quick to run to get a divorce, quick to come up with a reason to end a relationship, talk to men like they are children, lack honor and respect for the black man, hold back the children from their fathers, should I keep going??? Standards? What kind of standards are these?
Men DO HAVE DEMANDS, and so they should! Men don’t make themselves productive, competitive, successful men to not have demands and requirements; and we refuse as women to appease, relent and humble ourselves. We are too hung up on that strong, independent, I don’t need no man trope supported by popular culture! Hell, we are the least and last married and the first divorced!! You’re hung up on a term, while “Becky” at the altar saying her vows, without smirking at the “love and obey” part!!
It’s funny, I was called a “pick me” a while back! Instead of disparaging black men, I encourage them! I try to get us – black women to be more self-aware, accountable, humble and honest. The nerve of me! If this qualifies as doing “anything to appease a man and I mean anything” then so be it! I told that particular woman who called me a “pick me” that I wasn’t quite sure what that meant, or if that was supposed to be an insult, but I’m good with it, because I’ve been picked! I’ve been chosen by a beautiful black man whom I absolutely love, respect and appreciate! I think “pick me” is a VERY good thing!
Listen…we better do something to get that man, because in the words of the Godfather, “Dating is blood sport!”
